Creating The Void 10:56:00 PM

Ugh, Tez keeps telling me he just turned 30
having dreams of being single forever he’s getting worried
and I’m scared too because I’m in the same boat
good women are rare too, none of them have come close
me I have’nt changed much, you know how I play
better safe than sorry
instead of searching for substance at every single party
baby being part of this life
I feel like I’m bound to end up with somebody
that’s been with everybody
I need you to rescue me from my destiny
I’m trying to live right and give you whatever’s left of me
cause you know life is what we make it and a
chance is like a picture, it’d be nice if you just take it.
Or let me take it for ya
I’m just down to ride
or we can roll around the city until we finally decide
I got more than a thing for you, tattoo and ink for you
right over my heart girl I do the unthinkable

From 'Unthinkable (Remix) (featuring Drake)' by Alicia Keys.

This is one of the better songs/verses by Drake that I love, even though his lyrics are extrememly personal, the overall situations can relate to everyone. Additonally, not to put Alicia on the spot but this song has Aubrey's emotion written all over it.

I got into a fight the other day with one of my best friends and I don't feel good about it. At all. I think we actually even destroyed our friendship from that arguement, we haven't talked in almost two whole weeks. I feel like I should call him but firstly, I don't have a phone and secondly, I think it might even destroy our friendship more. This is difficult, and just giving me more things to think about than ever before.

Now that I'm back at LREI though, and the year has started I'm getting back on track with the 'east coast action' label. We went back in the studio yesterday and tore it up, and since we haven't gone in the studio in five months cause of money problems, I just remembered why I even started the whole label.

You Don't... No, You Won't Understand 2:35:00 AM

The other day I was talking to my boy, Chris and he was like, "Honestly at first I though you were weird but, now like I think you the most interesting person I know..." then he said no homo lmao, but y'all get the point. So I feel like people judge me to much, like Chris said if we didn't have mutual friends to introduce us like we wouldn't of ever been best friends.

Anyways though, like I transferred back to my old school, Elizabeth Irwin High School, and I feel sooooo much better academically, like the A's are going to come cranking through on the next report card, but what i'm worried about is social ish. Like since EI is soo much smaller, even wants to or already knows your business. Like at Millennium I had 32-34 people in each of my classes... but now back at EI I am back at 8-12 people each class, which feels really different. I'm sort of used to the chaos of Millenium. So now with this new situation going on and the 9th grade year I missed at EI (cause I spent it at Millen), I am now sort of out of the loop. I mean I know everyone, in fact, I've know 90% of whole grade since 3rd grade, the other 10% are new students that came in 9th grade while I was gone, but I feel... out the circle. I notice now, that at Millen (as much as I complained about it), I had actual real friends that would listen to what I would have to say without interruption, judging me, or whatever. I find me and Addison and Gabby calling each other throughout the week more than ever now, lol. I wouldn't think I would miss Millen as much as I do now.

Part of the problem is I got girl problems too, like mentally I'm trying to juggle three relationships at one time. One girl like me and got the message across but then, suddenly pulled the "I want to make you jealous" card, another girl me and her are like each other but both know it's not going to work, and the last girl who I like the most doesn't even have a clue I like her but she thinks of me as a nice guy to connect with on a deep level about personal things and her relationships. This is all very confusing for me cause I know which potential relationship would be the best but that, relationship I'm thinking about the most is the most complicated. I'm not going to say the names cause it is a public blog but, yessir, that's what's going on now. My cousin said don't let it phase you and let it all play out so I hope it works. I trust my cuzzo with my life.

Musically, my head is in the clouds, like I have beats, inspiration, and lyrics in my head but when I write on the paper it ends up as a hate note to the world, I feel the anger. Like a lot of anger. So to calm that down I've been listening to a lot of The Roots (the 'How I Got Over' album) and Kid Cudi (specifically the Man on the Moon album) cause that always helps me think things thoroughly and clearly. Negativity always equals positivity in the end.

I really do feel the anger.

The Inspiration x 1 11:02:00 PM

Big Boi and the Roots, two of my favorite artists, preforming 'Shutterbugg' from Big Boi's 'Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty' on Jimmy Fallon's Late Night.

Big Things Poppin' 12:22:00 AM

Well, to much happened since I last wrote on here to talk and review so what I am going to do is briefly tell you how I am feeling based on the summer.

During camp I REALLY didn't want to go, but of course who's knows what might happen so I didn't go in the camp all, "I hate this shit" but more like, "whatever." Anyways fast forward a month at camp and I want to stay longer. I mean I had one of my new best friends, Chris, help through all these emotions and drama shit (relationship stuff included) that happened, and like me and him like fought through it all. Like no homo, but I think I would have died at that camp without Chris.

Coming out of camp (Chris had to stay cause his mom was making him), I went back to the city thought about everything that happened and compared to what happened to me in 9th Grade, I felt like this whole shit about me feeling isolate din the school and etc. is because I wasn't ready for it... I could ramble on but I mean, it tears me up thinking how much I could have done at school, like everything I did at camp if I actually tried...

Coming out of that mindset that "mistakes aren't mistakes until you make them," has changed my whole perspective of my social status like, being afraid to talk to people, and being not afraid, saying the right things, and saying the wrong things, I feel I learned it all, and I feel SOOO much happier now that I know what to do with school, and how to manage work.

Based on that I feel here are my top 3 things I need to do before I turn 16:
1) Meet Jasmine Villegas or another ESKO (long story)
2) Finally get back in this studio and release my emotions I've been holding in (sounds corny I know)
3) Don't let fear of risk get in the way of affecting a specific decision

Unforgettable 12:13:00 PM

This song has been on repeat 24/7 since June 11th (Yeah 4 days before the release... a DJ I know sent it too me, don't judge).

Finally school is done! I really want to make this summer as good as the summer of 08... the best summer of my life. I think it's going ok, so far. The VP of EMI Music Publishing came over the other day and asked me to intern on his new record label "BedStyle Records," AND he wants my artist (I-CON) on my record label on his label, so were going to do a joint venture deal. So this means Jake (I-CON) might get bigger quicker than expected (from radio play, easier to online market, etc.).

On Saturday I have camp so I promise I'll post something before I leave. This year at camp honestly, I have four goals, (1) Workout as much as I can, (2) Make no enemies (which I usually accomplish easy), (3) forget about school (it's been stressing me out more than anything else this year), and (4) be real.

Toronto 10:17:00 PM

All Talk 3:45:00 PM

One of my favorite tracks by KiD CuDi, the emotional honesty on this song really hits my heart, and I feel like he understands me and probably a lot of other people.

Just Blaze Explains What Happened To The Remix 8:09:00 PM

Wow, now I understand if looked at from a broader view, how the music buisness is artistically lacking cause buisness is slow but I still hate to hear that it affects the culture of rap and hip-hop in such a negative way including destroying the culture from the inside esp. because people want more plays on the radio to bump up VDS scores. All numbers now. I mean really the best remix I've heard in the 2000's is Fabo's (Fabolous) and Drake's "Throw It In Bag (Remix)" which I personally found it was 10 times better than the regular song with The-Dream. I really think someone should just seriously sit down with Just Blaze for a couple of hours and just interview him cause he always has something interestng to say.

Flashback Post | Marsha Ambrosius' Say Yes (Live) 6:12:00 PM

This is definitely on of my favorite songs, but the way she sings this is so soulful. One thing I noticed is she did sound ALOT like Jill Scott. I have to say though I am impressed by the way she squeezes the emotion into the song without over doing it unlike Alicia Keys sometimes, or how Ashanti did the song 'The Way That I Love You'. Marsha Ambrosius used to be apart of the now broken up duo, Floetry. And is now working on her solo album due for release sometime at the end of this year.

Bully 3:14:00 PM

The new track is up on the east coast action website. Track produced by Dr. Kim and I (stage name = Deluxe), and rapped on by I-CON. Click here for the peek.