The other day I was talking to my boy, Chris and he was like, "Honestly at first I though you were weird but, now like I think you the most interesting person I know..." then he said no homo lmao, but y'all get the point. So I feel like people judge me to much, like Chris said if we didn't have mutual friends to introduce us like we wouldn't of ever been best friends.
Anyways though, like I transferred back to my old school, Elizabeth Irwin High School, and I feel sooooo much better academically, like the A's are going to come cranking through on the next report card, but what i'm worried about is social ish. Like since EI is soo much smaller, even wants to or already knows your business. Like at Millennium I had 32-34 people in each of my classes... but now back at EI I am back at 8-12 people each class, which feels really different. I'm sort of used to the chaos of Millenium. So now with this new situation going on and the 9th grade year I missed at EI (cause I spent it at Millen), I am now sort of out of the loop. I mean I know everyone, in fact, I've know 90% of whole grade since 3rd grade, the other 10% are new students that came in 9th grade while I was gone, but I feel... out the circle. I notice now, that at Millen (as much as I complained about it), I had actual real friends that would listen to what I would have to say without interruption, judging me, or whatever. I find me and Addison and Gabby calling each other throughout the week more than ever now, lol. I wouldn't think I would miss Millen as much as I do now.
Part of the problem is I got girl problems too, like mentally I'm trying to juggle three relationships at one time. One girl like me and got the message across but then, suddenly pulled the "I want to make you jealous" card, another girl me and her are like each other but both know it's not going to work, and the last girl who I like the most doesn't even have a clue I like her but she thinks of me as a nice guy to connect with on a deep level about personal things and her relationships. This is all very confusing for me cause I know which potential relationship would be the best but that, relationship I'm thinking about the most is the most complicated. I'm not going to say the names cause it is a public blog but, yessir, that's what's going on now. My cousin said don't let it phase you and let it all play out so I hope it works. I trust my cuzzo with my life.
Musically, my head is in the clouds, like I have beats, inspiration, and lyrics in my head but when I write on the paper it ends up as a hate note to the world, I feel the anger. Like a lot of anger. So to calm that down I've been listening to a lot of The Roots (the 'How I Got Over' album) and Kid Cudi (specifically the Man on the Moon album) cause that always helps me think things thoroughly and clearly. Negativity always equals positivity in the end.
I really do feel the anger.
